Why am i dating an alcoholic
Growing up in a home with an alcoholic parent is a unique kind of rough.
As a child, you love this person so intensely and are so dependent on them.
My boyfriend was violent and angry and his family couldn’t stand him. Despite obvious signs that he was cheating on me, including women’s phone numbers in the pockets of his jeans, folded up flyers to strip clubs and the monthly solo road trips he took to San Francisco to “clear his mind,” I simply refused to act on my suspicions. My mind—or the “danger zone” as I liked to call it—was simply not a safe place for me to be without the distraction of a man. I joke that I can find a room filled with 100 people and instantly be drawn to the ones who have a drinking problem. • If an alcoholic cannot handle the topic of conversation, they will ignore it (and you). • Alcoholics fear they are not going to live up to your fantasy of them. • I will always have a soft spot for alcoholics because the first person I loved was one.
He was the first alcoholic man, in a string of men and women, who would fill my dating diary. For better or for worse, there is a comfort and familiarity in the inner workings of an alcoholic that doesn’t exist with others. • Alcoholics feel constantly criticized and fear being controlled. • Alcoholics tend to be self-centered and self-obsessed and immature. After attending a 12-step program for several years, my ex used to say that I had such a handle on the alcoholic mind that I knew how to “drive” an alcoholic. but I get how to maneuver the car and can even keep four wheels between two lines along those steep corners. If I had the choice to do it all again, I can’t say for certain if I would choose to date alcoholics the way I have.
If you had been dating him for a while or were in a long, loving relationship, my answer would have been to help him see it through, learn about what it’s like for an alcoholic to recover from alcohol addiction and be as supportive as possible.
But you’re at a crossroads and from what you said in your question, it sounds like the best thing for both of you would be to not start up a relationship.
My gift is not in knowing how to understand or even “drive” an alcoholic.Then there’s the inevitable fact that they are emotionally incapable of demonstrating their love in a way that will seep into your bones the way kids need it to.There’s a merry-go-round quality about the systems and functions and habits that occur in an alcoholic home.It’s in the fact that I’ve made peace with my love for people who, in their fallibility, and in their miraculous recovery, have taught me more than any other kind of person.They’ve taught me about judgment, about kindness, about generosity, about spirituality.