My ex started dating
Before the big move, my three-year relationship with my then-boyfriend, Garrett*, was in an uncertain place.I wouldn’t say that we were unhappy, but we were pretty much just trudging along. We wondered whether we were too young to settle — or to settle down.I also decided not to immediately tell dates I was living with an ex, because I realized that if someone I liked was doing the same thing, it would make me jealous. However, one guy who I ended up casually seeing for a few months was totally cool with it.Yes, the truth must come out sooner or later, but it’s important to feel out the appropriate time to reveal it., my first instinct was to confide in Garrett.While our breakup was mutual, no one likes to hear about their ex’s romantic and sexual exploits. When Garrett mentioned a girl he was dating, I would be encouraging on the outside but uneasy on the inside.Yet we kept on trying to make it work until the girl who Garrett had been dating for a few months gave him an ultimatum: either move out and away from me or they were over.A fresh start wasn’t enough to reinvigorate our fizzling relationship.
To help ourselves follow through on that promise, we learned to limit our hangout time.
This upset me — I’d liked him enough to spend the night — but more so, it made me realize this would likely be a point of contention with anyone I might want to date.
I immediately told Garrett that while I understood this was new, we needed to remember that we were no longer together, and he had no right or responsibility to keep tabs on my whereabouts. Down the line, some guys who I shared the details of my situation with were freaked out — something they didn’t hesitate to tell me.
Of course, this meant that I had to explain that I was not cheating on my partner but rather still living with my ex.
I don’t blame Garrett for getting upset — it still felt like we were together in some ways, or at least like we had to look out for each other — but the result was my date immediately telling me he wasn’t comfortable with my arrangement and couldn’t see me again.
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I suspect I could have avoided that pain had we had some distance.