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— As a dating coach for single women over 40, one of the first questions I ask a client is, “What’s your biggest problem in dating? I recently asked a group of about 300 single, divorced, and widowed women over 40 what their biggest problems were in dating. They want to be appreciated for more than their bodies.
” I want to know what they’ve tried and what their struggles are. I wanted to see how many struggled with the same issues. So guys, please pay attention to more than the boobs and the butt. Those things are far more important than a Harvard or Yale degree, or whether or not he speaks Mandarin.
Whatever the case may be, these kinds of circumstances are extremely stressful for him, which will inevitably ripple into your relationship together in some way(s).
Another reason he doesn’t regularly see his kids could be because right now, he despises his ex, himself and the divorce situation, more than he loves his kids.
What this means for is that you have a rebounder on your hands; a rebounder with some major inner work and big responsibilities in tow. But if your separated man is bitching and complaining about it, it’s a big red flag flapping in your face.
The thing about anger is that it uses up a lot of energy and space in your separated man’s brain and heart.
That’s energy and space that he can’t and won’t channel into you in positive ways. He doesn’t consistently spend time with his children.
Accepting that that dream has died – and that he –is a painful process that requires the healing hands of time. It amazes me how many men are two, three, even important and it’s far more than “just a piece of paper.” In addition to providing some legal closure, it brings more emotional closure. Your separated man could be angry at many things: himself, a legal battle, women in general, even life.
Throwing himself into dating or another relationship may temporarily make him feel better – but it only postpones the inevitable inner work that needs to be done. It symbolizes the completion of an old life – a finished chapter – as well as the freedom and independence to create a new future (ahem, a new relationship, possibly with you! Ask him this: If, in fact, the divorce decree isn’t a big deal (like he says), then why doesn’t he just get it done? Then ask him if he thinks it’s fair and reasonable to expect you to continue dating Hmmm… You know it’s possibly because he’s still emotionally “holding onto her”, too, right? If you pay attention, you’ll see flashes of it — in his eyes, his periods of silence or in his body language.
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More often than not, it’s anger, self-pity, and feelings of entitlement that fuel a man’s complaints over support. So if you decide to stick around, I’d recommend you prepare for more than a nose full.