Dating a widow feelings of being secondary
Love after loss is more about connecting to ourselves, and being with people that get us, and love us with all of our wounds.
Love after loss is about having the most healthy relationship we ever had.
I don’t want anyone reading this post to think that I am insensitive to the fact that some people just aren’t ready. But sometimes I just think that many people don’t think there are any other good fish in the sea.
So, let’s think of it like this: If you’ve cast your line before…what are the chances you caught the only good fish?
Oh sure, the transition from who you thought your friends were to who you really bond with was excruciating.
But now that you’ve been through it…isn’t it better?
They will have to understand your trauma, your anxiety and the temporary experience of numbness. When we only allow people in our lives that love us more than anyone else has ever loved us, then it also means that our self worth is higher. When we let these incredible people into our lives it means that we know our worth.
But I’m betting that most of these changes really haven’t been so bad.Here is my version of the truth about loving again after loss. The first moment I felt a small glimmer of love for my now husband, I immediately felt so much fear that it felt like a panic attack. And because of that I was not very nice to him at first. I apologize in advance but this is how I sound when I care a lot.And please bear in mind the wisdom I share with you here has been gathered throughout a decade. I was very difficult, to say the least, and not very loving. This phase here is so important and this is where we begin to get the controls back.The woman I am today loves her new husband like I always wished I could love someone. Independent, with enough love, and enough detachment that allows for the most healthy relationship. Some distance and some alone time is necessary for our well being.
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It has to do with learning to trust our own wisdom again. The person you are with will have to be ok with that and understand it.