Dating a man in a wheelchair
What about having your partner laid on the bed while you stay in your chair pleasuring them?
Explore this with your partner – it might make it even more fun. If, however, sex in your chair ends up being a little calamitous, don’t worry.
Talk about what would suit both of your needs best. Having tissues or a bottle next to the bed means the transition after sex will be less clunky. If you’re limited in what you can do in bed, talk about ways around things. Tell a potential lover how you feel about your body and the stoma. If you’re paraplegic, there is a specially designed, high-intensity vibrator, the Ferticare, to help you experience orgasm.
As well as pleasure, it can also diminish spasms and help with bladder dysfunction.
In our series of dating, relationship and sex articles, we’ve teamed up with disability and sex expert, Tuppy Owens, who runs Outsiders, a private club for disabled people looking for a relationship.
You may find this out by yourself, but probably not – it needs to be talked about. If you have no or limited feeling below the neck, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sexual pleasure.
One person, for example, may have more feeling in their upper body (nipples, mouth etc) and another may have very sensitive legs but have no feeling in their genitals.
Make sure your date knows about it beforehand though. Depending on who your date is or how you met, make sure talking about your chair isn’t a difficult subject.
If they seem curious, encourage them to ask questions.
Sex doesn’t have to be serious and is rarely seamless for anyone, whether you’re disabled or not. There’s no getting around it, you’ll probably need to plan sex more if you’re in a wheelchair. Maybe plan to be waiting for your partner in bed naked after your PA has got you ready? Once again, aiming at intercourse may be just frustrating and there are plenty of other ways to enjoy sexual pleasure. If you feel uncomfortable about your partner seeing them, take the opportunity to focus all pleasure on them instead of you. Incontinence Most people are terribly embarrassed about being incontinent.
Or how about asking them to help you get ready for sex one night, instead of a PA? If it’s not easy for you to get in and out of bed, make sure you do what you need to before you get settled, such as going to the toilet or brushing your teeth. Are there erotic novels or films that you could watch or read together? Problems you may encounter and how to overcome them Pressure sores As a wheelchair user, getting these in intimate places can be something you sometimes experience. Ensure you have comfortable cushions in your chair and that your feet are supported on a footrest so that your wright is shared. Some people don’t even try to find a lover or partner because of it. It is really important to talk to your continence nurse about what options there are for you.